Unsaid
by K. A. Mendelsohn
Summary: Grissom meets Sara in the locker room before leaving for sabbatical. GSR.


**Spoilers**: Season 7, Episode 11, _Leaving __Las Vegas_

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but my thoughts. And sometimes not even that.

**Author's Notes**: This is my first fic in English. I wanted to write this ever since I watched the episode promo. I thought the body language in that scene was so delicate and exquisite. I know that I don't do them justice, but it is what I felt like doing. Thanks to **chibs87** and **mingsmommy** (geekfiction) for their kind beta'ing. I dedicate this story to them. (Please excuse my English :) )

**A.N. 2**: I decided to add this second author's note since I forgot to tell you that I strongly recommend watching the clip before (during) reading this. ;) You'll realize all the subtle gestures.

**Unsaid**

_by__ K. A. Mendelsohn_

It had been a long shift and she was tired as hell. Knowing that Grissom would be leaving for a month didn't make it any easier.

He told her he needed some time away. _From me?_ She thought, but all she said was: "Fine" although fine was far from true. He knew it but he really wanted this sabbatical so he didn't push the issue. She also knew that, so she didn't raise it again.

Sara went to the locker room and started to get ready to go home. She felt a bit sad, but she wasn't going to let this interfere with her job. Or her life. There was no place for self pity. She had to be strong.

Carelessly she let her jacket slip off her bare shoulders.

* * *

Phonecall. Gotta go.

Grissom stepped out of his office and headed out to the exit. He looked by the locker room just to see if Sara was there, not hoping so.

But there she was. It made him and his heart stop and he had to lean a hand on the wall just to reduce his momentum. He stayed there a couple of seconds, shielding himself behind the structure. He wasn't ready to say goodbye and he thought that neither was she. However he couldn't just walk away without a word now. Not that he didn't want to, but Sara deserved better.

He turned just a little to face her. She hadn't seen him yet. He needed to call her attention.

"Hey"

She looked at him. She was caught off guard and she folded her jacket unconsciously in a defensive gesture.

"My cab's here"

She nodded. She always smiled when she saw him, no matter how angry or sad she felt, even if it was his fault. But he was aware that sometimes it was to hide her feelings. She didn't want to look weak in front of him. Grissom hoped this could change in the future.

"So you're going?"

She said that to help him say goodbye. Or sorry. But Sara knew that he was a man of truth. He never told anyone what they wanted to hear, just what they should. Even if it was inappropriate. He was not backing up on this one, because there was nothing wrong about it. And that made her even sadder.

Grissom found her statement a little amusing. Of course he was going.

"Yeah."

He arched his eyebrows and shrugged with resignation. He was leaving her and until then he hadn't given it much thought.

Sara was still smiling in spite of the fact that she was about to cry. She once found out that smiling suppressed the gag reflex. And the tears. She needed to say something quickly. Anything. She made a great effort to prevent her voice from cracking.

"I'll see you when you get back."

Grissom was about to nod when it hit him. He wouldn't be seeing her for a whole month. A month! God, what was he thinking?! He was breaking her heart and there she was, smiling at him. Just standing there. Not arguing, not judging.

Sara turned to face her locker again. She was not able to sustain his gaze of growing realization anymore and she didn't want him to see her pain. She pretended that enough was said so he would leave already and she began arranging some things in the cabinet.

Grissom felt awfully guilty, but then an even worse feeling bloomed. He felt sad. He realized Sara was not going to be with him, by his side, for the next four weeks and now he didn't feel sorry for her: he felt sorry for himself. He should've thought of that. He should've known better.

She was giving him time to leave and let him off the hook but now, he **wanted** to tell her something instead. To show her that he cared deeply about her. That he needed her. But exposing himself like that in the lab was dangerous. Somebody could find out. Ecklie could find out.

He looked to the corridor to make sure no one was around to hear them and then he stepped in the locker room, leaving the shield/wall behind, getting a footstep closer to her.

He got his fingertips together with his hands wide open. He wanted to say something really meaningful, something that represented all the confusing waves of feelings that revolved inside of him. It was always so difficult to express what he felt to her and he didn't know why he never found the right words and always ended up mumbling nonsense. Grissom wanted this time to be different. It was important to him.

She turned to face him again but she was not smiling anymore. She leaned on the locker, not knowing what to expect, but waiting.

Grissom had a sudden revelation and he knew exactly what to say. He knew, because he felt it from the bottom of his heart. He looked intensely into her eyes as if to search for her thoughts and let out the words in a husky voice, shyly, almost as a whisper.

"I'll miss you." _I love you_.

Grissom never said something like that to anybody. He felt a little awkward, but didn't regret it.

Sara nodded lightly and a fleeting smile appeared on the corner of her mouth. If he hadn't been looking, he would have missed it. However, she didn't respond.

That confession didn't help Sara at all. She felt even worse. She was so concentrated on coping with her own sorrow that she couldn't find anything worthy left to say. She didn't want to.

Grissom frowned slightly. He had expected something like, "I'll miss you too," but all he got back was a bitter silence. This surprised him. A lot. Sara was always overtalking around him. Silence was bad. Very bad. He was about to ask for an answer, but then realized that **was** her answer. He raised an eyebrow with a gloomy face and remembered the cab was waiting for him. Grissom wished he had said, "Never mind," but it wasn't fair for her. Besides, his pride was not worth her feelings. He turned round and faintly shook his head. He better go now. He did.

Sara had never felt worse. She had to open her mouth just so she could breathe deeper and bite the pain that had built up inside her chest, dwelled in her throat and now was threatening to burn her tongue with a loud sob. She looked down and all of the sudden the room felt cold. So dreadfully cold. She crossed her arms and all the previous determination vanished. She was quietly crying.


End file.
